[ the question makes him pause, hands idling over whatever task he was bullshitting to make things less awkward. neon turns to look partway over one shoulder, his eyebrows drawing together in quiet confusion before he turns all the way around. there's a remote in his hand, probably for the television, with the battery cover halfway open. ]
Am I—? [ he looks at dom, looks at the big cat by his feet because how can he not, and then at dom again, slowly shaking his head. ] What? What would I even—?
[ it hits him mid-sentence that dom probably thinks he's angry, or that he deserves to be, because of the things dom was forced to do back in the commune. he clicks the battery cover back into place and takes a half step to the side so he can reach to set it down on the nightstand, hopefully without spooking dom's new (?) companion. ]
Woah, hey. I'm— you know I'm not... mad at you, Dom. Right? I wanted you to let me know when you were back because I wanted to know that you were okay.
[ "okay" is subjective, neon knows this, but in this instance he means "alive". ]
[ It's pretty obvious, by the look on Dom's face just then, that he thought Neon lashing out was a very real possibility. If he's not the kind to lash out loudly, he could very well be the type to carry out revenge quietly. The kind who sees justice in everything he does, and has to fix the injustice of Dom killing and getting away with it — up until they burned him alive. ]
Oh.
[ Dom seems uncomfortable, adjusting his position and how he's looking at this conversation now. Neon didn't want to cause him harm, and instead he wanted to know if Dom was okay. He can't help but turn his attention to Dee for a second, and the leopard returns the favor. ]
Yeah, I'm.
[ Pause. He swallows, then shakes his head. Maybe he won't lie, for once. ]
I'm not okay.
[ Alive, but wondering if he should wish he wasn't. ]
[ yeah, that's... about what neon expected. if it were neon who had helped slaughter at least a dozen people against his will, he thinks he'd be a little fucked up about it too. he'd also try to lie and play it off, act like he was fine because it wasn't him, it was an outside influence, and whatever else he'd need to tell himself to try and rationalize the blood on his hands.
he can see the same sort of guilt when he looks at dom - in the way he shifts, in the hesitation to admit the truth. neon sighs quietly through his nose, silently moving to reach for and drag a small ottoman over with one hand so he can sit across from dom. he leaves some extra space for dee, cautious of but not frightened by her. he leans forward slightly, rests his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands together loosely in the space between them. ]
The only guilty party here was the Shepherd. You know that, right?
[ neon can't really be sure if that's true, but - the shepherd knew. the shepherd was the one performing shady rituals and praising the undiscovered wolves every chance he got. neon still doesn't really understand it, but if the shepherd isn't at least half to blame for the murders that took place in the commune, carried out by other hands or not, then color neon surprised. ]
Edited (curse of using the same icon twice in a row begone) 2025-11-22 23:16 (UTC)
[ The amount of time he takes to answer is pretty much a resounding no. Dom looks at Neon, close and open in his body language - intimate, almost, the way a grown up tries to connect with someone younger and troubled - considers lying to appease him and end the difficult conversation, then stays quiet for a while longer. Then he starts fidgeting, eyes on his hands so they don't have to be on the older man, as Dee's tail flicks up and down at the tip. ]
He's not the only one.
[ Dom's guilt was loud in Melissa's punch, loud in Misty's accusations in his phone. He could sense their frustration within the anger, he knew that he'd betrayed his best friend's trust by killing someone dear to her, but he doesn't remember even thinking about that. He just remembers thinking Nat was pretty enough to be given a quick death and a ritualistic decapitation. He was upset at her for setting the manor-heart on fire, yes, but it wasn't revenge that fueled him.
He doesn't know what it was. Maybe he was never meant to understand the forces that took him over and threw all the effort and strife his mothers went through away. ]
Listen, I know I'm guilty, okay? My hands did it. Not the Shepherd's. Those people died because I— [ It hurts to say it, it hurts his throat as it comes out, ] I'm the one who chose them. I should've been sent to the cages and I was too scared to face it. I was a coward, and I let people lie to protect me. That's it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Am I—? [ he looks at dom, looks at the big cat by his feet because how can he not, and then at dom again, slowly shaking his head. ] What? What would I even—?
[ it hits him mid-sentence that dom probably thinks he's angry, or that he deserves to be, because of the things dom was forced to do back in the commune. he clicks the battery cover back into place and takes a half step to the side so he can reach to set it down on the nightstand, hopefully without spooking dom's new (?) companion. ]
Woah, hey. I'm— you know I'm not... mad at you, Dom. Right? I wanted you to let me know when you were back because I wanted to know that you were okay.
[ "okay" is subjective, neon knows this, but in this instance he means "alive". ]
no subject
Oh.
[ Dom seems uncomfortable, adjusting his position and how he's looking at this conversation now. Neon didn't want to cause him harm, and instead he wanted to know if Dom was okay. He can't help but turn his attention to Dee for a second, and the leopard returns the favor. ]
Yeah, I'm.
[ Pause. He swallows, then shakes his head. Maybe he won't lie, for once. ]
I'm not okay.
[ Alive, but wondering if he should wish he wasn't. ]
no subject
he can see the same sort of guilt when he looks at dom - in the way he shifts, in the hesitation to admit the truth. neon sighs quietly through his nose, silently moving to reach for and drag a small ottoman over with one hand so he can sit across from dom. he leaves some extra space for dee, cautious of but not frightened by her. he leans forward slightly, rests his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands together loosely in the space between them. ]
The only guilty party here was the Shepherd. You know that, right?
[ neon can't really be sure if that's true, but - the shepherd knew. the shepherd was the one performing shady rituals and praising the undiscovered wolves every chance he got. neon still doesn't really understand it, but if the shepherd isn't at least half to blame for the murders that took place in the commune, carried out by other hands or not, then color neon surprised. ]
no subject
He's not the only one.
[ Dom's guilt was loud in Melissa's punch, loud in Misty's accusations in his phone. He could sense their frustration within the anger, he knew that he'd betrayed his best friend's trust by killing someone dear to her, but he doesn't remember even thinking about that. He just remembers thinking Nat was pretty enough to be given a quick death and a ritualistic decapitation. He was upset at her for setting the manor-heart on fire, yes, but it wasn't revenge that fueled him.
He doesn't know what it was. Maybe he was never meant to understand the forces that took him over and threw all the effort and strife his mothers went through away. ]
Listen, I know I'm guilty, okay? My hands did it. Not the Shepherd's. Those people died because I— [ It hurts to say it, it hurts his throat as it comes out, ] I'm the one who chose them. I should've been sent to the cages and I was too scared to face it. I was a coward, and I let people lie to protect me. That's it.