( once upon a time, natalie tried to get rid of the wilderness in her. dump it out like a shit bucket — like stubborn dirt under her nails, scrubbing but never clean, not if you rubbed down to the bone, not if you rubbed until nothing was left. she tried, like a lot of people do, to hoist it on shauna shipman. the blame — or at least, the responsibility. we were all hungry, but you did this, you glutton. we ate, but you enjoyed it, you sadist. okay — we all enjoyed it. but you raptured in it.
(okay, we all raptured in it. okay, it saved us. okay, it was holy. okay, you're a convenience for the pittance of guilt. okay, you didn't mean it. okay, you're a girl in the woods. okay, your baby's in the backyard.)
once upon a time, too, natalie tried to forget the wilderness. if you name a vice, nat's tried it — sex, drugs, encouraging dom to violence. there can be holiness in that too, if you're careful enough to look. that dark shadow in the corner with antlers for a crown — the thing that always finds its way into your jewelry box, and then around your neck as if soldered there. this, perpetual collar. a hundred travis shirts burned up in the fire, his carved creatures with a spoon and a dinner knife, any sign he ever existed in the same place at the same time as nat — but it was still there, waiting for natalie on a window sill, shining golden in the light. the girls all have their own meanings to what it is. sacrifice, or hunt, or dinner, or strength.
for natalie, it's always meant chosen. let dom have it — be the one she picked, the one she gave it to, the one who gets to have it. there are boys in the wilderness now, drowned in darkness — javi and travis and dom, all with vessels of blood between their teeth, the mark of something evil on them. travis is still soft and kind and good, to her. so's dom. she leaves it on his doorknob. )
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🎁 delivery.
(okay, we all raptured in it. okay, it saved us. okay, it was holy. okay, you're a convenience for the pittance of guilt. okay, you didn't mean it. okay, you're a girl in the woods. okay, your baby's in the backyard.)
once upon a time, too, natalie tried to forget the wilderness. if you name a vice, nat's tried it — sex, drugs, encouraging dom to violence. there can be holiness in that too, if you're careful enough to look. that dark shadow in the corner with antlers for a crown — the thing that always finds its way into your jewelry box, and then around your neck as if soldered there. this, perpetual collar. a hundred travis shirts burned up in the fire, his carved creatures with a spoon and a dinner knife, any sign he ever existed in the same place at the same time as nat — but it was still there, waiting for natalie on a window sill, shining golden in the light. the girls all have their own meanings to what it is. sacrifice, or hunt, or dinner, or strength.
for natalie, it's always meant chosen. let dom have it — be the one she picked, the one she gave it to, the one who gets to have it. there are boys in the wilderness now, drowned in darkness — javi and travis and dom, all with vessels of blood between their teeth, the mark of something evil on them. travis is still soft and kind and good, to her. so's dom. she leaves it on his doorknob. )