[That's - just how it's going to be. They're not perfect people, no couple is - right? (Though he really can't imagine himself fighting with Mila but... they only just met, too. There's time for that relationship to get its bumps and bruises too.) And it'd be a foolish thing to think they wouldn't, or to hope they wouldn't. Because it'd be in denial of the truth:]
But when we do, we'll figure it out better than before. I'll try not to be too demanding, I'll listen more. I'll let you have time to cool off instead of trying to hound you into working it through right then and there.
[ He doesn't know why it's so hard to hear this when it's what he'd been hoping for. It just goes to show that Teddie, despite the front he puts on for so many people, is the mature one here, while Dom will act emotional all day and yet feel like he'd like to curl up and hide somewhere when this is the topic.
If only he could promise that he'd stop getting angry. Dom looks at the tattoo on his wrist, clasps it with the opposite hand. ]
I can try to, uhm. Not assume stuff. Anymore. Ask you questions when there's something I don't understand.
[ Anger management at work, kinda. The pause is uncomfortable. ]
… but I'm gonna be really shitty sometimes. I still get those days.
[ When he can't get out of bed. When he can't stand the sound of anyone's voice, when anything they might have to say is always wrong. When he's convinced everyone is against him, including the ones he loves. Teddie went through all that. ]
I'll tell you when it's happening, so… so you can stay away.
Tell me how I can help too, if I can. So I can stay, too.
[That's - one of the things he struggled with. He always felt like there was probably something more he could've done, leading him to feel useless. Reflecting on it, he always thought he must've been too demanding. He knows he should give Dom space and he plans to, but he also wants to find a way to exist there too, so it's not always a rigid off and on kind of thing.]
We'll work on figuring out when we're getting too heated. So we don't boil over. Deal?
[This is where Teddie feels a little guilty. He's always been the one reaching out to people, wanting the most from everyone around him - built so neatly for polygamy, though there have been times he's taken to narrowing himself down to one partner. But those memories are associated with something negative - someone negative - an ex that made it feel like suffering, made it feel like suppression. But he knows that he and Dom could've done it, maybe, back in the day. Maybe it would've helped, but...]
Yeah. I've got some stuff going on - there's a girl I really like. Then some hook ups. I could... I could stop the hook ups, if you wanted. But that relationship with the girl, that's... that's gotta stay.
[ It's a question that could've gone unasked — of course Teddie would be seeing others, he's always been the one who wanted them to be open — but the promise to communicate started there, with that clarification. Dom always hoped Teddie would decide that he was enough one day. That little spark of a fantasy is present here, then gone with a drop of disappointment, jealousy like two fingers putting out a candle.
(There was never a guarantee that Dom could handle being exclusive, either. It's mostly been the idea of being special.)
His nod is silent. Teddie didn't even say the girl's name. Maybe he doesn't want him to know. ]
No, yeah, I'm — I can keep seeing other people too. [ As if there's anyone. All he does is get drunk and fight. ] Just checking.
We can talk about it as we figure it out. If you want? Unless you don't want to talk about it, and we just - we keep that less transparent? I'm willing to tell you anything and everything. Because I think we could use that kind of openness to make it work again. But... I don't know. I'll be honest, I like watching you sock people who deserve it but I wanna make sure... that's not gonna happen to anyone who walks in between us.
[He swallows hard. Why does this feel so weird? He scratches at his forearm, eyes downcast.]
But I wanna be - be boyfriends. Not just - whatever. Is that okay?
[ And he's already letting his thoughts get away from him. You'll be the only one talking about it and I'll watch you meet and love someone new every fucking week.
He tells himself to stop. Reset. He reaches for Teddie's hand, prying it away from his forearm so they can hold each other. ]
[Teddie worries again that he's being selfish - that he's going to get carried away with it, wanting everything. Wanting everyone to love him because he doesn't know how to exist otherwise. He needs approval, but does he need it from everyone he sees? Can he find a way to be satisfied with the opinions of the people he loves most, and believe they mean it? (Someone once used to feed him lies and now he doubts himself. But who-)]
Mm, yeah. I can even introduce you, if you want... sometime.
[He squeezes Dom's hand.]
Her name's Mila? She's actually one of Iggy's friends, but... she's nice? I get this feeling like I know her even though I just met her. It's like... the weirdest feeling. Kind of like that feeling I would get from my dreams, y'know? But I don't remember her in any of them.
Mm, yeah - she sees other people too? We're close but pretty open.
[He knows it sounds contrasting but - it works? He rubs his thumb over Dom's knuckles, going up and down over them before his eyes flick up to meet gaze again. He feels shy, somehow. Like he really wants this to work out - and he does. He wants this... so much.]
Her family doesn't like me very much. So you guys have that in common already.
[ He didn't consider that her family might be here too. Dom has the words at the ready: at least my moms like you, but that belief quickly evaporates, corrected by reality. Now he's left wondering why he'd make that mixup. Why the word 'witch' suddenly seems relevant. Squeezing Teddie, he rubs his own forehead for a while. Not quite a headache, but… ]
Whatever. It's not like we're dating each other's families.
[ There was an attempt to be comforting. ]
If she wants to meet … I'm cool with that.
[ He can convince himself to be until the day comes, anyway. ]
[Theo wants this vision he sees to be reality - best of both worlds, maybe they'd also like each other? But again he has that selfish pang in his chest. Trying to force people together for his own benefit. Standing on other people's feelings. He needs to be open and understanding, so he tries to be. But he leans toward Dom, wrapping an arm around his neck, pulling him close.]
[ And there he is again, feeling small, seen. The daydream about getting back together with Teddie is real, for now, a warmth he was settling into before his ex— before his boyfriend says the words that take him to his room back home, to the back of the school building where some hid away to smoke while they did it to make out (and smoke), to the school dance where they had sex for the first time.
His hands are on Teddie's waist, clutching his shirt. Why is this the thing that makes him realize what he lost? Dom leans in for an urgent kiss, like that will calm him down. ]
Fuck. [ He clears his throat, rubs the corner of his eye. ] I love you too. I can't believe you're—
[Teddie leans into the kiss, nursing it afterward with smaller ones. He feels like his smile is hard to get rid of, and he doesn't want to let go of Dom either. This feels like a big decision somehow - it means a lot of work for them. Figuring out their families. What to do after their stay here. How to keep going without falling into the same ruts. But Teddie's filled with a sense of positivity, like he's no longer marked by some dark cloud. There's possibilities. He can have hope again.
One more kiss.]
Me either. But even if we do, we'll fix it instead of quitting it. Deal?
[ Each kiss makes him want one more. When Teddie stops, Dom looking up at him without words, he moves in to rest on his shoulder and takes a deep breath in the pause. It's easier to imagine the future when there's reassurances, when Teddie can offer so much optimism. He's still the sun tattooed on Dom's skin. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[That's - just how it's going to be. They're not perfect people, no couple is - right? (Though he really can't imagine himself fighting with Mila but... they only just met, too. There's time for that relationship to get its bumps and bruises too.) And it'd be a foolish thing to think they wouldn't, or to hope they wouldn't. Because it'd be in denial of the truth:]
But when we do, we'll figure it out better than before. I'll try not to be too demanding, I'll listen more. I'll let you have time to cool off instead of trying to hound you into working it through right then and there.
no subject
If only he could promise that he'd stop getting angry. Dom looks at the tattoo on his wrist, clasps it with the opposite hand. ]
I can try to, uhm. Not assume stuff. Anymore. Ask you questions when there's something I don't understand.
[ Anger management at work, kinda. The pause is uncomfortable. ]
… but I'm gonna be really shitty sometimes. I still get those days.
[ When he can't get out of bed. When he can't stand the sound of anyone's voice, when anything they might have to say is always wrong. When he's convinced everyone is against him, including the ones he loves. Teddie went through all that. ]
I'll tell you when it's happening, so… so you can stay away.
no subject
[That's - one of the things he struggled with. He always felt like there was probably something more he could've done, leading him to feel useless. Reflecting on it, he always thought he must've been too demanding. He knows he should give Dom space and he plans to, but he also wants to find a way to exist there too, so it's not always a rigid off and on kind of thing.]
We'll work on figuring out when we're getting too heated. So we don't boil over. Deal?
no subject
It takes a moment. Dom thinks he might be scared, just not the kind that makes him lash out. It's because Teddie is giving him hope. ]
Deal.
[ A word that feels so heavy in his throat, plagued with what ifs. ]
Are you still seeing other people?
no subject
Yeah. I've got some stuff going on - there's a girl I really like. Then some hook ups. I could... I could stop the hook ups, if you wanted. But that relationship with the girl, that's... that's gotta stay.
no subject
(There was never a guarantee that Dom could handle being exclusive, either. It's mostly been the idea of being special.)
His nod is silent. Teddie didn't even say the girl's name. Maybe he doesn't want him to know. ]
No, yeah, I'm — I can keep seeing other people too. [ As if there's anyone. All he does is get drunk and fight. ] Just checking.
no subject
[He swallows hard. Why does this feel so weird? He scratches at his forearm, eyes downcast.]
But I wanna be - be boyfriends. Not just - whatever. Is that okay?
no subject
We should talk about that. Yeah.
[ And he's already letting his thoughts get away from him. You'll be the only one talking about it and I'll watch you meet and love someone new every fucking week.
He tells himself to stop. Reset. He reaches for Teddie's hand, prying it away from his forearm so they can hold each other. ]
So… who is she?
no subject
Mm, yeah. I can even introduce you, if you want... sometime.
[He squeezes Dom's hand.]
Her name's Mila? She's actually one of Iggy's friends, but... she's nice? I get this feeling like I know her even though I just met her. It's like... the weirdest feeling. Kind of like that feeling I would get from my dreams, y'know? But I don't remember her in any of them.
no subject
… Oh, boy. There's no way she's ever gonna approve of this. ]
That sounds nice. I mean, you said it's weird.
[ But it must be good, if Teddie wants to keep seeing her. ]
Is she gonna be okay with us?
no subject
[He knows it sounds contrasting but - it works? He rubs his thumb over Dom's knuckles, going up and down over them before his eyes flick up to meet gaze again. He feels shy, somehow. Like he really wants this to work out - and he does. He wants this... so much.]
Her family doesn't like me very much. So you guys have that in common already.
no subject
[ He didn't consider that her family might be here too. Dom has the words at the ready: at least my moms like you, but that belief quickly evaporates, corrected by reality. Now he's left wondering why he'd make that mixup. Why the word 'witch' suddenly seems relevant. Squeezing Teddie, he rubs his own forehead for a while. Not quite a headache, but… ]
Whatever. It's not like we're dating each other's families.
[ There was an attempt to be comforting. ]
If she wants to meet … I'm cool with that.
[ He can convince himself to be until the day comes, anyway. ]
no subject
[Theo wants this vision he sees to be reality - best of both worlds, maybe they'd also like each other? But again he has that selfish pang in his chest. Trying to force people together for his own benefit. Standing on other people's feelings. He needs to be open and understanding, so he tries to be. But he leans toward Dom, wrapping an arm around his neck, pulling him close.]
... I love you.
no subject
His hands are on Teddie's waist, clutching his shirt. Why is this the thing that makes him realize what he lost? Dom leans in for an urgent kiss, like that will calm him down. ]
Fuck. [ He clears his throat, rubs the corner of his eye. ] I love you too. I can't believe you're—
[ Here. Close to him, saying that. ]
I don't wanna fuck this up.
no subject
One more kiss.]
Me either. But even if we do, we'll fix it instead of quitting it. Deal?
🎀
Deal.